Although the Florida job recently opened, we’ve got a familiar face positioning for the job: Troy Elliott.
If you’re unfamiliar, Elliott was a defensive coordinator for a middle school team in Gadsden, Alabama before making the jump to head coach. He’s dropped a couple of letters in the past, including an note to LSU, Ole Miss and Alabama, and he’s back this time for Florida, via 247sports:
“Dear Mr. Stricklin,
My name is Troy Elliott, Head Ball Coach at the University of Florida. Allow that to stew for a moment. Go back at the top and reread. Allow the concept of it to permeate through your brain and nest itself in your heart. The University of Florida has a rich history of coaches through its history, such as Steve Spurrier, Ron Zook, Urban Meyer and Angry Will. I want to add to that pantheon of greatness, by becoming the first football coach to make the jump to the SEC from the Middle School ranks.
As I’m sure you already know, I just completed my first season as Head Football Coach for the Sardis Middle School Lions. During my time as head coach, I have been able to introduce such novel concepts as “deciding who my quarterback is going to be,” and “completing a forward pass.” I feel like these concepts will revolutionize Florida Football and bring in a new era of the Fun and Gun.
I also am familiar with the controversy that will inevitably follow a FBS football coach. While my players always use their own credit cards, I did deal with the turmoil of players sharing a lunch room number earlier this year. The Otis Spunkmeyer Incident resulted in suspensions and a tremendous number of prepackaged muffins lost. My life was personally threatened by Otis himself. I didn’t worry about it too much, because death threats are just part of the job.
I believe that I will fit right in as Head Football Coach at Florida. I use numerous strategies to connect with my players and assistant coaches. Just this past year, I took all my assistant coaches on a deep-sea fishing trip. Unfortunately, I consumed a hard lemonade on the way out and spent the majority of the trip looking for mermaids. While I am ashamed of this, it is better than becoming intoxicated and trying to MAKE a mermaid. I keep my naked shark hugs at home, so nothing to worry about there.
I also am connected enough to the players to recognize what is cool. I loved the uniforms that made Florida players look like real alligators. I immediately took the same approach with our middle school team, constructing uniforms out of fur to make us look like ferocious lions. I spent all weekend sewing manes onto shoulder pads while humming “The Circle of Life.” The uniforms resulted in 16 heat strokes, but damn, we looked good.
My heart yearns to be in Gainesville, getting a start on my new job. I am excited to get to live in a place as classy as Gainesville and become a real “A Florida man….” It is so nice that you have a town with all the charm of deadly hurricanes while avoiding the pesky annoyance of the beach. I have my jorts ready. The best part of this is that I was born in 1989, so I have existed for the entirety of Florida’s football relevance.
Please do not delay in your decision. I don’t want to rush, but I expect to hear from Tennessee very, very soon.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Will this be the time Elliott gets his chance? We can only hope.