Lou Holtz is very often difficult to understand, but I can't remember any time that he was as incoherent as he was in this clip from Saturday night. I think my favorite part is that Mark May just starts laughing while Rece Davis seems to understand him perfectly and responds to him like he's Lassie. "WHAT'S THAT BOY? NOTRE DAME FELL DOWN A WELL?"
Here are my two best efforts to decipher it, but really I have no idea what's going on here. Please offer your best translation of this in the comments:
Lou forgot his comb and is very concerned about his hair.
Lou is trying to do Young Thug's ad-libs from "Lifestyle."