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The most unlikely coach has applied for the Alabama OC position Brian Blanco/Getty Images
TAMPA, FL - JANUARY 8: Head coach Nick Saban of the Alabama Crimson Tide speaks to members of the media during the College Football Playoff National Championship Head Coaches Press Conference on January 8, 2017 at the Tampa Convention Center in Tampa, Florida. (Photo by Brian Blanco/Getty Images)

While plenty of college coaches are reportedly interested in the Alabama offensive coordinator job, one unlikely name has applied: Reddit user tjelliott12.

Elliott has a stacked resume that includes having “10x” the wins of his predecessor, Steve Sarkisian, who left for the Atlanta Falcons offensive coordinator job.

Among his other attributes is having a “lower percentage of boogers ate (sic) on national television.”

Here’s his entire pitch, via Reddit:

“Dear person who reads Nick Saban’s emails,

Once again I am reaching out in interest for the open job of OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR/PERSON WHO REFUSES TO RUN THE DAMN BALL IN A WAY THAT PLEASES ALL PEOPLE. As I am sure you remember, I also reached out in interest when Coach Kiffin resigned to be a club manager in Boca. I must say that I find myself slightly frustrated that I wasn’t given ample opportunity to enhance my resume between openings. For the love of God people, it was 3 weeks.

Similar to anyone looking for a job opportunity, I often have to er…enhance my resume. For example, a 119 rushing yard performance may be rounded up to 350. My ruler skips directly from 3 inches to 7, if you catch my drift. However, I can unabashedly state that I will not have to exaggerate on this resume. I have a better career win percentage at my middle school than Coach Sarkisian had at the University of Alabama. As a matter of fact, I have more than 10x the wins than Coach Sark was able to tally as Offensive Coordinator. Not only have I managed to tally more Ws, but I also have a lower percentage of boogers ate on national television. I also have been drunk on an airplane less than my predecessor, although it is worth noting that the only time I have flown was when my father placed me in an overhead compartment to “minimize the family’s expenditure.”

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I feel as if the University of Alabama offers a unique opportunity. I already have a gameplan in place that will improve on what Coach Sark started. For example, I noticed that the roster on RollTide.com shows more than 1 runningback. I’m sure Coach Sark’s short turnaround caused him to miss this fact, but I am already prepared. I also want to bring an innovative approach to the offense by only using bubble screens. My passing philosophy is “If it’s past the line, that sh*t ain’t fine.” I also plan to recruit sumo wrestlers as slot receivers to effectively run pick plays. Apparently that’s how things are done now.

I can only hope to follow in the steps of a man who’s offensive play calls in the second half cost him a championship. Coach Sark was able to use this approach to replace Kyle Shanahan, a coach who’s offensive play calls in the second half cost him a championship. I’ve gone Negan on two televisions this year. Unfortunately, Lucile is the name of my dog.

I look forward to hearing from you, tjelliott12″

It didn’t quite work out for the LSU gig, but maybe this guy can snag a job under Nick Saban.

An earlier version of this story noted Elliott as an LSU fan. He as since cleared up that he is a lot of things, but an LSU fan isn’t one of them:

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Prashad is the Senior Content Editor for Cox Media Group's FanBuzz.com. He considers Muhammad Ali, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce some of the all-time greats. Boston is TitleTown, in case you were wondering.
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