Retired former professional baseball player George Brett enjoys the finer things in life. He enjoys fine trips to Las Vegas, fine seafood in fine restaurants and two bouts of incontinence a year, preferably on fine linens. Wait, what?
George Brett swore he pooped himself twice a year. During one spring training warm-up session, cameras caught Brett telling the lurid tale. Brett is a master storyteller, describing the finer details. The story content is sensational.
Never in the history of the NBA, NFL, NHL, WWE or MLB has such a disgusting diarrhea tale been told. Brett has since said he was kidding in podcast interviews. Decide for yourself if he is telling the truth or not. Spring Training George Brett sounds pretty convincing to me.
Do you have a minute to get grossed out and laugh? Read on.
George Brett MLB Career
Goose Gossage vs. George Brett. Pine Tar Game. pic.twitter.com/loTmTrUg21
— Rob Friedman (@PitchingNinja) January 7, 2020
George Brett is a Hall of Famer third baseman. He played all 21 seasons of his MLB career with the Kansas City Royals. While a Royal, Brett fanned the rivalry flame with the Astros, Padres and New York Yankees alike. He collected over 3,000 hits, 300 home runs and 1500 RBIs.
His career batting average of .300 ranks him amongst the top third basemen in baseball history. The Baseball Hall of Fame solidified his legacy by inducting him in 1999. Brett continued working for the Royals after retirement. He also owns a Los Angeles Dodgers farm league team.
Brett is known for various incidents. The Mendoza Line, a mocking name for batting .200, was George Brett's creation. Umpires threw him out of a game for using too much pine tar on a bat in 1983. The Yankees won the game as a result. He also inspired the hit single "Royals" by Lorde in 2013.
George Brett, a 13-time All-Star, three-time Silver Slugger, one-time Gold Glove, MVP and World Series champion, has done it all and lived to tell the tale. Brett and the Royals defeated the Toronto Blue Jays in the ALCS on their way to winning a World Series over the St. Louis Cardinals, but that isn't the baseball story Brett's about to tell.
He is going to tell an off-the-field tale, one that is definitely NSFW.
WARNING: There's some NSFW language in the video below. It's also a pretty gross story.
George Brett Poops Pants Story
RELATED: George Brett's "Pine Tar" Reaction Was A Royal Eruption
Which spring training this is remains in question. Brett is a coach here, and it's likely during the 2004 or 2005 season (we know that because John Buck, seen in the video, wore No. 2 those years). Messing with the younger guys, Brett ropes them into a tall tale. When they take the bait, Brett unloads.
He tells a teammate that he had pooped himself the night before. He then says that isn't the first time he has soiled himself as an adult. That reminds him of once when he got food poisoning, so Brett begins to tell the famous "George Brett poop" story, the one where George Brett poops his pants.
Brett was in Las Vegas with some friends. They stayed at the Bellagio but ate at the Mirage (at Kokomo's Steak House, to be exact). The waiter upsold the crab legs, but Brett pinched off more than he could handle. The tainted crab turned Brett's bowels into a saltwater tank.
With something terrible fermenting in his belly, he gambled the night away before deciding to return home for sleep. With an early tee time on his mind, Brett ascended the stairs to the Bellagio. When he reached the top, he stopped. Seemingly out of nowhere, his bowels were full to bursting. Brett made like a Roman statue and stood still, calling a friend to help.
His friend soon arrived with spare pants and a towel. When Brett finally moved, the dirty dam broke with him. Brett filled his sockless shoes with his own waste and rushed to the nearest bathroom. He left his evidence in the bathroom stall, exiting the casino barefoot. It is a graphic and disgusting story of uniquely American manliness. The Internet even auto-tuned the tale in 2014, cementing its place in meme history.
Best Quotes From Brett's Poop Story
A throwback to when the legendary George Brett openly talked about crapping his pants. ? #Royals pic.twitter.com/hFFK65FTmZ
— Monkey Knife Fight (@mkf) July 17, 2020
"Porter, I s*** my pants last night."
Right off the bat, Brett comes out swinging like that annoying kid from your little league team. His frankness is refreshing, if the subject matter not a bit rotten.
"I'm good about twice a year for that."
Which part of crapping your pants is good, exactly?
"When's the last time you s*** your pants?"
Do not try to suck us into your bulls***, Brett. That is atypical behavior for an adult male, and you know it.
"Got up in the morning, took the most perfect double-tapered s*** of my life. True story."
What is wrong with you, Brett?
"Who's the pitchers in this game?"
Spring Training George Brett is a sociopath.
If you ever see George Brett frozen outside the Bellagio, offer him a pair of pants. But you may want to hold your nose—you never know what he has eaten. Brett may look like a statue. But one move, and he may become a fountain. Thank goodness Brett is a Hall of Famer. Otherwise, his most foul story might also be his legacy.
